Do you always get what you want when you try to negotiate? Negotiation is key to resolving disputes - both personal and professional. In this book, you will learn negotiation tools and techniques practised by the former FBI negotiator, Chris Voss, who shows how such tools are applicable even in day-to-day situations. Dig deep into his mind as he narrates fascinating stories from his FBI career in Never Split the Difference (2016). Whether you are handling a hostage crisis or...
Emphasise emotional and irrational aspects of the human psyche!
We all absolutely want what we want! When two parties want different outcomes, a conflict of interest is bound to happen. An expert negotiator diffuses this conflict of interest by delving deep into the psyche of the counterpart. Master your opponent’s psyche, and you’ll have a clear advantage heading in.What is the motivation behind a person’s attitude during a negotiation? Early research on high-stakes negotiations primarily focused on rational decision-making and intellectual prowess. Researchers like Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman...
Become an active listener to gain trust!
Active listening is the first step to comprehend deep-rooted motivations behind a counterpart's behaviour. Active listening allows you to understand the motivations and emotions of your counterpart. For example, a psychotherapist asks questions to understand deep emotions that affect a person’s behaviour. Layer by layer, the psychotherapist delves deeper and deeper and unearths the motivations behind a person's behaviour, which is the first step to changing that behaviour. Professional negotiators utilise this listening tool to gather more and more information...
Two types of voice tones!
The next technique is the deliberate use of slow and soft voice tones. Voice tone is important to achieve the desired outcome in a negotiation. Voss discusses two types of voice tones - the first one being a softer, playful and positive tone.A positive and easygoing voice tone allows the other person to initiate a cooperative attitude during negotiations. The tone comes out when you speak while smiling. This is the default tone that the negotiators use. The second voice...
Use of tactical empathy to get the desired outcome!
Ever tried to talk to your coach to become your team’s captain? Or to your manager at work to get a long-awaited promotion? What if your coach or manager was unenthusiastic, shrugging it off completely with a dull excuse? What’s more - he leaves the room without offering much in terms of understanding. If this is something you really want, you’re sure to be left red-faced and burning from inside!Empathy begets empathy while the lack of it makes it hard...
Saying ‘no’ is powerful!
Want to get the ultimate “yes” from your counterpart as the final outcome of your negotiation? Well, it may start with pushing to get the all-powerful “no”! Mr Voss explains the power of saying 'no'. Until now, we discussed positive and affirmative behaviour patterns to build trust. Let us now take a look at the power of saying no. Frankly, we all hate hearing a no, but a negotiator uses this weapon to his advantage. A simple example here might...
Do not split the difference!
This brings us to the title of the book - ‘Never Split the Difference’! A professional negotiator is not interested in meeting halfway in a hostage-type situation. They don’t concede. They don’t aim for a middle ground. It is their job to create maximum leverage while satisfying the other party to a certain extent. Let us take a look at the two tools mentioned here. ‘Time’ is a crucial tool. Negotiators use the time to create anxiety or pressure. Many...
Finding the Black Swan!
The mystical Black Swan refers to the unexpected and surprising element. Here, it means a surprising piece of information that can tilt the negotiation scales in your favour. Such information is often hidden or conceited and takes time to come to the surface. A negotiator usually enters a situation with some background knowledge of the counterpart. But that’s often not enough! So when an unexpected piece of information reveals itself during communication, the negotiator can latch onto it to get...
Chapter 10
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Summary
We all want to be heard while we live our individual subjective realities! This book points out that what motivates our behaviour may be underlying emotional and irrational biases. You can use psychological cognizance and make use of techniques like active listening, mirroring and saying an emphatic 'no' to negotiate your way to a better life. Also, never waste a black swan!Every human being wants to be heard and understood. Never Split the Difference equips you with tools to utilise...
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About the Author
Chris Voss served as the FBI's chief kidnapping negotiator in the past. He is a specialist in the field due to his many years of dealing with various types of criminals. He is a professor who founded the negotiation consulting firm The Black Swan Group and has taught negotiation courses at institutions including Harvard University and the MIT Sloan School of Management.
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