We all know that feeling. Something's gone wrong, we're stuck, and yet we still can't bring ourselves to reach out for help. Andy Lopata's "Just Ask" shares a heartbreaking story that shows exactly why this matters more than we think.Richard was one of those people everyone loved. He flew across continents to help friends set up charities. He spent hours listening to colleagues' problems. Tragically, when Richard faced financial difficulties, he couldn't bring himself to ask for help from the...
Step 1 of Your Just Ask Journey
Finding the courage! That’s step 1. But this challenges even the most confident among us. Why? What stops us from reaching out?Our emotions, for one. We don’t know to deal with them. And that’s why we have something called "Hippo Time" (yes, really!). It's this idea from Paul McGee that we need time to process our feelings before seeking advice. Wallow in the mud like a hippo! Take boxing champ Billy Schwer – after losing his world title, he completely...
Strategic Vulnerability
Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, remember? But, being vulnerable doesn't mean telling everyone everything. Strategic vulnerability requires careful thought about why, when, where, how, and with whom we share our challenges.The journey begins with finding your purpose. When Andy Agathangelou was struggling to reform the financial services industry, he discovered that asking for help for something you believe in feels entirely different than asking for yourself. Your purpose creates clarity and makes vulnerability worthwhile, especially when you can see how others...
Taking Action
Getting advice is only half the battle. The real challenge? Actually doing something with it.The foundation of taking action is personal responsibility. Even with a corner full of advisors, you're the one who must step into the ring and implement solutions. Lopata has a practical three-step approach: Review the advice you receive, Reframe it to fit your situation, and then Respond by taking concrete steps. This process helps filter out noise and focus on what truly works for you. Your...
Creating Space for Others to Open Up
So far, we've focused on our own courage to ask for help. But there's another side to this equation – how we show up for others when they need support.Remember Agathangelou from when we were discussing clarity of purpose? He says fear drives much of our reluctance to be open. Whether it's fear of missing targets, losing job security, or facing rejection, these worries create barriers to genuine connection. So when someone reaches out, they've likely already overcome significant internal...
FAQs of Vulnerability and Human Differences
Some people readily share their problems while others clam up. Why? What's the difference?First, men and women differ in seeking help. Though we've seen the rise of the "metrosexual male," women are still generally perceived as more likely to share challenges. Jo Swinson notes that women develop emotional vocabulary earlier, while men often "bottle things up," sometimes affecting mental health. Luke Ambler founded ANDYSMANCLUB after his brother-in-law's suicide, a space where men can share challenges ranging from depression to relationship...
Our Path Forward to Better Help-Seeking
So! What did you learn so far? That we're often held back by our own fears, shaped by social pressures, and influenced by rapidly changing technology. But there's a clear path forward.When we avoid seeking support, we're actually denying others the satisfaction of helping. As Lopata discovered through his conversations with counselor Johanna Jameson and neuroscientist Dr. Lynda Shaw, our reluctance often stems from not wanting to burden others. Yet most people feel great when they help someone they care...
Summary
Remember, your greatest strength lies not in perfect self-reliance, but in the courage to be vulnerable. When you break the cycle of isolation, you unlock doors to solutions you never imagined possible. The people around you—they want to help. That network you've nurtured? It's waiting for you to reach out. We're not meant to navigate life's challenges alone. So take that deep breath, swallow your pride, and just ask. Just one moment of courage can shatter the prison you've built...
More knowledge in less time
The Art of Community
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
About the Author
Andy Lopata is an acclaimed professional relationships strategist, who has worked with global clients including Paypal, GlaxoSmithKline and Brother.
He has written six books on networking and professional relationships, with his sixth book, ‘The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring’ published in Spring 2024. He writes a regular blog for Psychology Today and has often been quoted in the media, including The Sunday Times, The Financial Times and Inc. In fact, the FT called Andy ‘one of Europe’s leading business networking strategists’ and both Forbes.com and The Independent called him ‘a true master of networking’.
Thank you for registering with Storise.
Your journey with books and ideas begins now, anytime, anywhere.
You can now use your registered email to log in to the app.
.png){kind=icon}
.png)
